Nahant Beach Triathlon

                                                                    July 22, 2003

            What the hell has Brandi been eating?  She evolved from fast to even faster to fastest… overnight!  Last season, Brandi was a mere nobody.  Well, that’s unfair.  Brandi Hodson was never a nobody.  Nobody is ever just a nobody.  Your name’s in the phone book right?  See? You’re a somebody after all.

            Anyways, Brandi turned in a sizzling 40:15 at last week’s triathlon, snuffing out such heavy-hitters as Paul Hennessey and the Antrims.  She attributes her amazing new prowess to clean living: Brandi seldom swears(“but when I do, It’s a F..k.ng hum-dinger!”), is very selective about her drugs and alcohol abuse, and appears to pray regularly( while in aerodynamic tri-bar racing position). Congratulations Brandi. You go girl!

            Speaking of friggin’ babes taking over the sport of triathlon, let’s welcome those members of our newcomer cadre. And the men too.  Just a reminder: our [probably illegal] profiling of “most-likely-culprit-to-cause-a-bike-crash ‘ profiles you, ya lousy bastard(male, white, SUV-driving, single, capitalist, litterbug, Republican)newcomer. Thus, best to remember, you’re new.  No, you cannot keep pace with our top dogs yet, because…well…you’re new!  Not only will Brandi dust you on the bike anyways, but you’ll crash and, if you survive the crash, we will summarily execute you, gangland style, then sit on your Oakley shades with our big asses.  Got it?

            This coming Thursday might be a washout, that’s what they’re forecasting.  So, head in to either the Sugarbowl 5 miler, Khoury’s or Marsh Post.  Sal and Lisa have generously invited everyone to their house for a Triathlon on Sunday July 27 at 11 a.m.  It’s free. It’s gorgeous!.  Bring something, I guess. Food or drink is always nice.  Their  Tel# is 781 581-2434.  Mike Fitzgerald has offered to rescue distressed swimmers with Sal’s ‘dingy’.  That’s funny don’t you think?

            Last Saturday, The Nahant Beach Triathlon elite, traveling, racing team went to Asbury Grove’s Duathlon, part of our ‘El cheapo race series’.  We did quite well and didn’t get kicked out of the post-race breakfast for a change, despite Mike’s inappropriate comments to that 13 year old waitress. Tonight, the Firefighter 5 at Hamilton. Tomorrow, Lynn Woods.

            Jamie and Tara Crowley have brought up the notion of lengthening the swim portion of our Triathlon.  What do we think?  Also, in case you haven’t noticed, this season has not had as many ‘theme races’ as previous years: tattoo night, squirtgun night, rock-trophy night, etc.  This is because we are essentially a bunch of leaderless, rudderless, aimless slackers . You want some interesting shit to happen?  Make it happen!  Grab the bull by the horns! Take over!  Don’t just stand there you sluggard, Do something!  Ask not, ‘What can Bob Levine do for me?’, ask, ‘what can I do for Bob Levine, the Nahant Triathlon, for my fellow man, and for Brandi’?