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home > races/results > usa: new hampshire > inauguration day 5k and bye bye bush retirement party

Inauguration Day 5K and Bye Bye Bush Retirement Party
If you are not invited to an Inaugural Ball in Washington, here is your once-in-a-lifetime invitation. There will be a huge celebration at the University of New Hampshire in Durham, New Hampshire on January 25, 2009; it is a once-in-a-lifetime 5K, so mark it on your race calendar in red

  
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Posted Monday, 29 December, 2008

Come join us for a non political celebration of the American spirit, democracy, and freedom of choice. We welcome all parties and denominations to run or walk to celebrate a new era. All affiliations are welcome without prejudice, without speeches, and without campaign rhetoric. The theme will be "Proud to be American", and we will all join in welcoming our new president, Barak Obama, and pledge to work together for the good of the country. We will wish happy retirement to George W. Bush.

The Innaugauration Day 5K and Bye Bye Bush Retirement Party will be held on January 25 in Durham, New Hampshire. Innauguration Day is January 20, that day every four years on which the President of the United States is sworn in and takes the oath of office. The oath is traditionally administered on the steps of the United States Capitol in Washington, D.C. This race will celebrate the peaceful transition of power to the new president.

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of the President of teh United States, and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States."

Following the innauguration are dozens of fancy inaugural balls. One you won't find on the list is the Inauguration Day 5K and Bye Bye Bush Retirement Party. If you didn't get invited to an inaugural ball in Washington, here is your once-in-a-lifetime invitation.

This once-only event is under the aegis of Loco man and New Hampshire road race impresario extraordinaire Mike St. Laurent, AKA (The LOCO Guy). Mike will, as usual, go all-out with the post-race bash at Wings Your Way--Durham location. It's a given that there will be oceans of Busch Beer (excuse the "c") and Spicy West Wing Wings, Wings of Mass Consumption, and much more. The race will take place in the often cited town of Durham, New Hampshire, and travel over mostly rural roads, past ivy covered buildings of UNH and the university's agricultural section. We expect that the course will be covered in snow.

Goodbye Mr. Bush
Complete with your registration will be your chance to sign the going away card. But sign carefully, because you wouldn't want to do an el smudge-o while signing the 3-foot high "Happy Retirement" card to our outgoing president. Runners and walkers from all points of the political spectrum, from Independent Nader supporters and Democrats to Republicans and Ron Paul Libertarians, will be signing the card and wishing Mr. Bush a pleasant goodbye.

There is a rumor raging that the outgoing president himself will interrupt his busy vacation schedule to make a racing appearance—after all, this race is five days after he leaves office and he may stop by on the way to Kennebunkport. (FREE LOCO SHOES TO YOU MR. PRESIDENT.) Well-connected New Hampshire sources have heard from fully vetted Washington sources that Mr. Bush is a butt-kicking 6:30-per-mile kind of runner. These are, however, the same sources that were so positive about weapons of mass destruction.

Calls to Vice President Dick Cheney indicated that despite a busy transition schedule, he may indeed make the festive scene as well. Not to race (he always gets deferments, and twelve heart attacks is eleven too many), but to fire the starting shotgun. This could perhaps be the same shotgun that was used by Vice President Chaney to nearly send a duck-hunting companion to the Promised Land a few years back. Runners in the front row in Durham are advised to.......well, duck.

Calls also went out to former Bush opponents Al Gore and John Kerry, but both declined to race. Gore stated, "I already beat that guy once", and Kerry bemoaned the fact that the race did not have an "Aging Windsurfer Division", and there could be a “Swiftboat” crew in the team division.

Free Entries – But There is a Catch
But you don't need famous people to have a successful race - unique divisions are even better. St. Laurent will offer free entry to any runner with the middle name "Walker". And there will be no fibbing or spin on this, because liars will be dealt with by Homeland Security agents. Do you want a one-way, all expenses paid trip to Guantanamo Bay? Not me, buster.

Special Prizes
There will also be special prizes the first three runners named George and maybe for the first three runners named Laura. Hey, it should be fair. All other standard race divisions will also be contested. Plus there will be prizes for the best Presidential Costume.

Now that about 15 million of us are out of a job, maybe you'd like to be President or Vice President of the United States. Be sure to tidy up your resume before you apply! And check the Constitution of the United States for the qualifications and responsibilities—it is very clear.

Yes, This IS AN ACTUAL RACE in scenic Durham, New Hampshire. It will be the place to be on January 25, 2009, where over 1,000 runners will celebrate “Mission Accomplished”.
Official Race Song: "Bye-Bye Mister American Pie," Don McLean, 1971.

 

 

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